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Change of Location: Office Hours Wednesday [10 Apr 2007|10:00pm]
[ mood | equated ]

Claire again has changed office hours. I again wrote to explain why and how.

Tomorrow, Wednesday, will be my last regularly-scheduled Office Hours of the year. Instead of having them in my office, I'll be holding them at Ambrosia (326 Maynard, between Liberty and William), at the usual time (11 am-12:50 pm--leaving a bit earlier to get to my 1 pm class on time).

For further clarification, I've taken the liberty of asking Jonathan Frankerton Franklin to translate for you:

Hello fellow readers and pontificators,

I fancied myself the opportunity to visit your classes as of late. I found it to be a slightly harrowing experience all of you malpheasants and quadrapedantics. I have recently been discussing with Claire class material and the theological relationships between office hour changes and the ephemeral nature of life. We ventured upon the solution that wednesday, last scheduled office hours, ambrosia, and 11-12:50 all play metaphorical parts in the proverbial equation of life. wednesday of course translates to the way that midway through life [the week] you are feeling both at your best, and the most exuberanted by age and life choices. last scheduled office hours of the year translates to lackadaisical simplistic operations having other tempting yaks, meaning of course that when a yak tempts simple operations of routine life, lackadaisy ensues. ambrosia definitely relates to the sweet metaphorical nectar of sitting in a café. and finally 11-12:50 is the year of the mayan roost (a celebration in which all mayans lay eggs and cheer to "awaken" the gods). this equation put together of course looks like this
[wed.+tempting yaks-(lackadaisy*ambrosia)/11-12:50]*pi=ephemeral nature of life ??

I spent hours attempting to solve this equation. after many referrals to my colleagues, and pulling all of my contacts I came to this simple conclusion: 0=0. at first it seems obvious, but think harder. 0 itself is an enigma unproven by scholars, similar to infinity, or fruit salad. An equals sign is a clear representation of the equalities and inequalities of life and of fruit salad. so to say that zero equals zero would be to say that the mysterious enigma of nothingness is actually inequal to the other sense of the word zero (no value). that clearly means that enigmatic nothingness corresponds to no dogmatic predetermined value whatsoever. Confused? Good. And by that I don't mean I am pleased that you feel confunded or confounded. I mean that I am pleased that I get the ability to explicate the answer to you in my own terms. Excited? Good. By this I mean I'm glad you are excited, don't read so much into things. I will now try to put the three large yet confusable puzzle pieces together for you. I would like to draw a diagram but I cannot on this particular medium of WeB-Mayle.

When you think of changing office hours to ambrosia at 11-12:50 on wednesday on your last scheduled office hours of the year (now just abbreviated as cohtaa1-1owoylsohoty), you don't think of metaphor or symbolism or even prurience. Now you will. when you put together all of cohtaa1-1owoylsohoty, you find out that there is no value to enigmatic nothingness. It seems unrelated. It is not. In order to unmask the deeper mysteries of life and to find out why we exist, you must first prove that there is not a value to nothingness in a proverbial sense. Making sense? So Claire took the first step into delving into the abyssal of the unknown of the strangeness of life by first figuring out about the value of metaphysical nothingness. She did this by cohtaa1-1owoylsohoty. now that she has done this, she is one step closer on the spiral staircase of life to discovering why god does his thing in the manner he does. So although it may at first seem selfish that Claire is cyohtaa1-1owoylsohoty, you won't be whining when she comes back as a demi-god albeknowst to the meanings and nooks and crannies of lifes deeper mysteries. I hope this has helped to explain.

Truly yours,

Jonathan Frankerton Franklin

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WeB-speak [20 Mar 2007|06:19pm]
[ mood | ifpw ]

Many thanks to the fan who shall remain anonymous that assisted in the re-formatting of my poust so it shall be easier to read and enjoy and study.

Brb – Bereave Regal Badgers
          Groundhogdai: So what do you wanna do tomorrow
          JF_Franklin: Brb

Omg – Other Mammal Genera
          Biologist1: …Prunella, Anura, Aotus. Anything else?
          JF_Franklin: Omg please

Afk – Ailing with Fever and Kalazar
          Prof_Douche: So why were you tardy today?
          JF_Franklin: I was afk

Wtf – Wearing a Tiara with Frills
          MFoley: So what're you wearing
          JF_Franklin: Wtf

Ttyl – Taunt Tireless Yachtsmen Languidly
          Poseidome: so what'd you do last weekend
          JF_Franklin: Ttyl

Lol – Lanolin or Lace
          Todd_Oldham: What's that shirt made of?
          JF_Franklin: Lol I think

Lm(f)ao – Living Miles (From) An Orphanage
          Ctzn_kn: so how do you get to your house? Are you by the Fairfield orphanage?
          JF_Franklin: no that was my old house. Now I'm lmfao

Rofl(mao) –Roar Ostentatiously, Frequently Like (chairman MAO)
          JF_Franklin: when I watch old Chinese propaganda I Roflmao

K – Kreme
          PBD_Boy: What's your favorite doughnut filling
          JF_Franklin: K

w/e – Well/Estimated
          JF_Franklin: How many jews died in the holocaust?
          Hiliter88: 6 million
          JF_Franklin: w/e

jk – Jelly Kreme
          PBD_Boy: what about Danish?
          JF_franklin: Jk

y? – Yahrzeit?
          JF_Franklin: Where were you?
          Moisha03: Away
          JF_Franklin: y?
          Moisha03: no, I'm just sick

u – Ubiquitous
          Jff_Luvr: what would be one word to describe you?
          JF_Franklin: u

im(h)o – Isn't Much, (Half) Open
          Tinydancer: how wide open is your door?
          JF_Franklin: imho

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Office Hours [05 Mar 2007|10:46pm]
[ mood | like a gene during anaphase 2 ]

My aged poust alerting students to the nature of claire to re-operate office hours.
As Claire seems unable to properly express her concerns in the King's
English, her hybrid 1/2 secretary 1/2 awesome person is going to relay
the message to you. As Claire loves the Café Ambrosia more than real
Ambrosia, but on a similar scale to Zeus' love for Ambrosia. Therefore
the aforementioned Café Ambrosia (AHM-BROO-ZHAY) will herein be the new
location upon which her office hours will be taken aback, and replaced
to from the previously set location (her office, or maybe a different
Café). I appreciate your concern, but I want you to know that
everything (knock on wood) shall work out for the best, as Cronus might
say about the capture and detainment of the original Titans by his sons
(Poseidon, Zeus, and Hades). If you would take a moment to transcend
from your mortal coil, and look aback on the big picture, you will see
that this is all for the best, as a great philosopher once said "Homo
Homini Lupus" (think about that). As the aide-slash-mentor (Reginald
Johnston) to the previous and final emperor of china said (and I
paraphrase) "If you do not say what you mean, then you will never mean
what you say. And a gentle[woman] should always mean what [s]he says",
Claire being a gentlewoman wants to mean what she says, which is why
she has sent me to parlay her message upon you. As the beloved Dr.
Jack Ryan said "I am not field personnel, I am only an analyst", Claire
is not field personnel, but is only an analyst, and thus has sent me
(hybrid 1/3 secretary 1/3 awesome person 1/3 field personnel) to
disseminate her message. Claire is (knock on wood) a pretty decent
person, I would hate for this message to be misinterpreted and thus
reflect negatively upon her so let me herein restate my message in
Layman's terms; Claire has been possesed by a higher force herein named
Tyrael and a lower force herein named Potemkin to make a change in her
life. Claire is not the type to make a large change, she has all she
could want, a BlasTech standard plasma rifle, an astromech droid, a
cargo ship, and a protocol droid (me, her hybrid 1/4 secretary 1/4
awesome person 1/4 field personnel and 1/4 protocol droid). Because of
the (knock on wood) absolute fullness and perfection of her life,
Claire has decided to make a simple change in office times. So now she
has decided to herein conjure her new 60-minute time frames at the
office to now take place at a fairly Bohemian café herein known as
'Ambrosia', Potemkin and Tyrael accepted this decision, and so it was
done. I hope this simpler definition of the events now and herein
taking place helped you.
Now I, a simple candyman (1/5 secretary, 1/5 awesome person, 1/5 field
personnel, 1/5 protocol droid, and 1/5 candyman) propagate this message
to you all and hope you enjoyed my fanciful tale of woe and beauty.
This epic is not to be reproduced or malcopied in any way, shape, or
form or you will be arrested with probable cause after due process of
the law and being fully known and recognized as a person before the law
as stated in articles 1, 7, and 4 in the Universal Declaration of Human
Rights, declared by the UN previously. ---
Yours Sincerely, Honestly, Really, Truly, Wholeheartedly, Earnestly,
and Fervently,
Johnathon Frankerton Franklin, PhD, MD, ZZT, ABC, LSD, 1/5 secretary,
1/5 awesome person, 1/5 field personnel, 1/5 protocol droid, and 1/5

P.S. Claire is switching office hours to Ambrosia from 4:00-6:00
tomorrow (Maynard St)

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MLA Format transubstantiated to JFF Format [17 Feb 2007|08:31pm]
[ mood | satiated ]

As I read up on my Works Cited Formats information lists, I stumbled upon MLA Format. I quickly came upon the thought that it was incredibly flawed. Within the hour I had crafted my own new format hereby dubbed "JFF Format".

Here is the flawed MLA Format

Web Sources

Web sites (in MLA style, the "W" in Web is capitalized, and "Web site" or "Web sites" are written as two words) and Web pages are arguably the most commonly cited form of electronic resource today. Below are a variety of Web sites and pages you might need to cite.

An Entire Web Site

Basic format:

Name of Site. Date of Posting/Revision. Name of institution/organization affiliated with the site (sometimes found in copyright statements). Date you accessed the site .

It is necessary to list your date of access because web postings are often updated, and information available on one date may no longer be available later. Be sure to include the complete address for the site. Here are some examples:

The Purdue OWL Family of Sites. 26 Aug. 2005. The Writing Lab and OWL at Purdue and Purdue University. 23 April 2006 <http://owl.english.purdue.edu/>.

Felluga, Dino. Guide to Literary and Critical Theory. 28 Nov. 2003. Purdue University. 10 May 2006 <http://www.cla.purdue.edu/english/theory/>.

Treat entire Weblogs or "blogs" just as you would a Web site. For single-author blogs, include the author name (or screen name or alias, as a last resort); blogs with many authors, or an anonymous author, should be listed by the title of the blog itself:

Design Observer. 25 Apr. 2006. 10 May 2006. <http://www.designobserver.com/>.

Ratliff, Clancy. CultureCat: Rhetoric and Feminism. 7 May 2006. 11 May 2006. <http://culturecat.net>.

Long URLs

URLs that won't fit on one line of your Works Cited list should be broken at slashes, when possible.

Some Web sites have unusually long URLs that would be virtually impossible to retype; others use frames, so the URL appears the same for each page. To address this problem, either refer to a site's search URL, or provide the path to the resource from an entry page with an easier URL. Begin the path with the word Path followed by a colon, followed by the name of each link, separated by a semicolon. For example, the Amazon.com URL for customer privacy and security information is <http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/>, so we'd need to simplify the citation:

Amazon.com. "Privacy and Security." 22 May 2006 <http://www.amazon.com/>. Path: Help; Privacy & Security.

Here is the JFF Format (I highly recommend reading them back to back)

WeB Poustings

WeB Poustings (in JFF style, the ‘W’ in WeB must be capitulated due to the nomenclature of the word WeB. The “B’ must henceforth be capitulated because “B” stands for Baron Gore ((Gore being the inventor of the “WoRld Wide WeB”)) Poustings must be lettered with an OU due to the postanal nature of the Poustings on the WeB) Remember to hitherto proclaim WeB Poustings as two separate demonitations.

Basic stylistical formations of bibliogrations:

Name of Site (or URL as is so abbreviated). Date of Posting/Revision. Date in which creator had idea for WeB Pousting. Name of organization affiliated with page. Date you accessed the site. Hour upon which you conjectured to view the site. WeB site creators phone number. <*#Electronic Address#*>

You must list the accessed date due to the nature of the WeB Poustings to frequently and abruptly alter information. Since you clearly always have the creator’s number, we can call to double check that your information is entirely accurate. Be sure to include in Arrow Bracket-Asterisk-Number Sign format and never as a link, the full URL of the WeB page. Here are a few exemplifications.

Man Girdles ‘R Us. 14 January. 2006. 7 June 2002. Man Girdles ‘R Us. 3 February, 2007. 7:32. (834) 559-2376. <*#Http://www.Mangirdlesrus.org/size/xxl/hotpink.htm#*>

Lonely Man Date Service Family of Poustings. 17 February 2007. 7 March 1998. Lonely Man Date Service inc. 1:49. (453) 223-5678. <*#Http://www.LonelyDateService.net/Man/Lookingforwoman/230t8920/age49-63/xtrahorny.htm#*>

Never forgot that WeBlogs or Blogs, and WeBJournals or BJournals are just like regular Poustings. In single-auteur Bjournals include the Auteur name (or if you must, their screen-name pseudo-homonym title as a last ditch effort);; BJournals with many Auteurs or an auteur with full anonymity or within the FBI Witness Protection Program, track them down, tranq them, tag their ear with an orange tag labeled upon with a quintuply digited number, and use that:

Biv, Roy G. Rainbow Weekly. 23 March, 2004. 01 January, 2007. Rainbow Weekly corp. 8:01 every Friday night. (456) 345-3494. <*#Http://www.RoyGBiv.com/Blog/#398#*>

39404. Interior Designer Monthly. 31 February, 2002. 18 January, 2007. Int. Designer Monthly Ltd. 4:29 every Tuesday. (984) 432-3895. <*#Http://IntDesignMo.com/BJournal#49.html#*>

URLs that do not fit on one line of your Works Cited list should be broken at double backslash single underscore Umlaut format, when possible (\\_¨) Obviously you cannot get it formatted any other way.

Many WeB Poustings have unexcusably long URLs that would be literally and physically impossible with today’s technology, to hand type. Some theorize that some form of Command button with a “C’ or a ‘V” might do a form of “copying”, but those are largely based on subjunctive opinion. To address this problem, refer to the “strike URL” the “havoc URL” or the “search URL”. Begin the path with the word Path followed by a colon, followed by a dash and a Left Parenthese and further followed by the name of each link. For example, the Amazon.com URL for the book “Kike Spic Sluts” is <*#Http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/browse/-/551434/104-0801289/Kikespicsluts#*> so we’d need to coagulate the url.

Amazon.com “Kike Spic Sluts.” 23 July, 1999. 4 May, 2004. <*#Http://amazon.com/#*>. Path:-( Books; Gay Fiction; lesbian love tales; jews; Kike Spic Sluts.

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